Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
