We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
