Im at strip club and am horny
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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