Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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