Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
