i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
