I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
