she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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