he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
