No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
