A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
