Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
