I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
