I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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