do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Alive.
So much puke
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
