it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
