I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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