When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
