Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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