I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
