Im at strip club and am horny
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
