Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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