tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
