i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
