my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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