dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
