Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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