First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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