um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
