a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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