Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
