Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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