she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
