i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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