My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
