She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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