Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
