Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
