Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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