I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
