Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
