she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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