Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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