What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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