we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just want to make out with him forever
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
