What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
