Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
