The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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