Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
