First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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