if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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