I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
