How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
