8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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