Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
