Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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