I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
