So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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