I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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