They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
