I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
