Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
