i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
we should paint friendship bongs
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
