What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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