Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
