I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
