I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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